Letters to Theo - November 10, 2006

A few days ago I fell in love. It was love at first sight. I didn't know you could love someone so much after having only known them for a short while, but I do. He is the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on...and he is mine. So, what's the name of this young gentleman who has stolen my heart? Theo...my son.

I kept a journal when I was pregnant with Theo and in the days after he was born, I started to write letters to him. I think the best way to share the events of that time is to tell it in my own words in that moment. So here is the first letter to Theo.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Dear Theo,

Today you were born - my little miracle. I can't even put into words the relief and happiness I felt when I heard your little cry for the first time and I saw your tiny little body. You are a dream come true for me. You have made me into a mother - something I have dreamt about for so long. Even after 32 hours of labour, all I have to do is look at you and I know every minute was worth it.

After you were born, they brought you to the NICU where they take care of little guys like you. I wish I could have held you right away, but I understand why that couldn't happen. When I did finally get to hold you, it was magical. I remember thinking, wow, this little person is mine, my son. All the  months that you were inside of me, I had waited for that moment when I would finally get to hold you in my arms. I just wish I never had to let go.

When your dad and I went to visit you in the NICU this afternoon, daddy got to hold you for the first time. I know how much it meant to him. Seeing the two of you together warms my heart. It is a surreal feeling for me, having the three of us together, knowing that we are a 'family of 3' now. It just feels so right to me.

Today was filled with calling people and sharing our good news. So many people love you already and they can't wait to meet you. For most of the day there has been a sense of elation in me and a sense of pride. Everyone is so excited that you have come into the world. I have to pinch myself to truly believe this is happening.

As I lay down to go to sleep, still feeling exhausted from the 32 hours of labour I endured, I started to feel really sad. Tears started to pour from my eyes and I realized that I was sad because I missed you. Here you were just a short distance down the hall and I was suffering from the feelings of separation. I wanted to be near you, I wanted to be able to look at you, to reach over and touch you, to kiss your little face...and I couldn't.

You are all I can think about and it makes me feel so sad not having you close by. I hope tomorrow comes soon so that I can see you again.

Love,
mommy

Proud new dad