Thursday, November 16, 2006
Dear Theo,
I got up bright and early this morning so that I could go see you and feed you at 8:30. It was nice being there that early because it wasn`t so hectic. I stayed at the hospital until almost 4 pm, which meant I got to feed you 3 times. Even though you only get about 5 or 10 cc`s each time (you tend to fall asleep pretty quickly). I cherish the times I get to feed you because it`s just the two of us and it gives us a chance to bond. Mostly I just love to look at you. It is overwhelming how much I love you.
I got to meet some of the other NICU mothers today. One of them was a mother of twins born at 31 weeks on October 6. Another mother had a little girl born around the same time but at 29 weeks. It was shocking to think that they had been doing this for over a month. I`ve only been doing it for about a week and it`s been hard enough. I have a whole new respect for mothers of preemies. Emotionally it is very difficult dealing with being separated from your child.
After dinner your dad and I headed back to the hospital. While we were there, one of the nurses was telling your dad that it was surprising that you are nursing at all considering how young you are. After we left the hospital I felt so confused. I was getting so many mixed messages. On the one hand, some of the nurses think that you are doing really well. On the other, some of the nurses give me the impression that you should be doing better. It`s very frustrating for me, because I don`t want to be pushing you too much. I don`t want to feel like I`m forcing you to breastfeed if you`re not ready. I just want to do the right thing. I just want to be a good mom.
Love,
mommy
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