People are often surprised when I tell them I was in labour for 32 hours with Theo. But despite how difficult the labour and delivery were, I would have endured 64 hours of it, if it meant at the end of it all, I got to take Theo home with me. Being separated from my baby is one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure. Everyday that I was not with him, I would walk around feeling like a piece of me was missing. I know it is hard to understand unless you have been through it. My heart goes out to all of the parents of preemies who had to go through something similar, especially those who had to endure several months of separation.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Dear Theo,
This morning I went shopping. Since your early arrival was so unexpected, there were a lot of things that I needed that I didn't have. (like nursing bras) I also found you an adorable preemie outfit. I can't wait to see how you look in it!
Today was my first day of driving to the hospital. It was also my first day of breastfeeding. It was so amazing to actually see you latch on and it made me feel so close to you. What I want more than anything is to feel bonded to you. It isn't easy because I don't get to see you very much and I can't just take you out of your incubator and hold you whenever I want.
My time with you is so precious to me. I breastfed you twice today and each time you got 5 ccs - a huge accomplishment for both of us! Not only did it make me feel successful, it made me feel a special connection with you.
When I finally left the hospital, a feeling of sadness washed over me. I cried the whole way home and then cried some more when I got home and saw your dad. I miss you and I hate being separated from you.
Love,
mommy
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